Cycle of Violence

Contact Information
Domestic Violence Victim Advocate
Renton, WA 98057

The cycle of violence can happen many times in an abusive relationship. Each stage lasts a different amount of time in the relationship, with the total cycle taking from a few hours to a year or more to complete. Emotional abuse is present in all three stages.

Below are some examples of abusive behaviors; however, a person does not need to have experienced these behaviors to be in an abusive relationship. There are many more behaviors not listed.

Adapted from L. Walker, The Battered Woman, Harper and Row, New York, 1980.

Phase 1: Tension Building Phase

Batterer may:

  • Pick fights
  • Act jealous and possessive
  • Criticize, threaten
  • Drink, use drugs
  • Be moody, unpredictable
  • Act crazy

Partner may:

  • Feel like they are walking on eggshells
  • Try to reason with the batterer
  • Try to calm the batterer
  • Try to appease the batterer
  • Keep silent, try to keep children quiet
  • Feel afraid or anxious

Phase 2: Crisis Phase

Batterer may:

  • Verbally abuse
  • Sexually assault
  • Physically abuse
  • Increase control over money or phone
  • Restrain partner
  • Destroy property
  • Emotionally assault

Partner may:

  • Experience fear, shock
  • Protect self and children
  • Use self-defense
  • Call for help
  • Try to flee, leave
  • Pray for it to stop
  • Do what is necessary to survive

Phase 3: Calmer Phase

Batterer may:

  • Ask for forgiveness
  • Promise it will not happen again
  • Stop drinking, using drugs
  • Go to counseling
  • Be affectionate
  • Initiate intimacy
  • Minimize or deny abuse

Partner may:

  • Forgive
  • Return home
  • Arrange for counseling
  • Feel hopeful
  • Feel manipulated
  • Blame self
  • Minimize or deny abuse

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